Some of the mental barriers and self-limiting beliefs preventing you from taking action with women.

1. Your main goal is to impress her: “I hope she’ll like me.”

When really, your goal should be to ascertain if the two of you are compatible.

“I wonder if I’ll like her” or “I wonder if we’ll be compatible.”

Why? Because hoping to impress someone makes you nervous, unable to think and articulate yourself clearly, and it encourages you to deploy unattractive people pleasing tactics.

Being curious of your compatibility inspires you to ask interesting questions, actively engage in the conversation, (eye contact and open body language) and it prevents you from putting her on a pedestal or feigning unworthiness.

2. You worry she’ll be offended that you even tried.

If you ask a woman out, and she laughs or tries to make you feel like a loser, it’s easy to think “Wow! I must be a bigger, more delusional loser than I thought.” 

But realistically, you’ve either handled your approach incorrectly (which is fine – this is coachable), or you’ve encountered a classless, tactless, emotionally immature woman. Stop taking it personally and being so hard on yourself.

3. You're afraid of what others will think.

“If I get rejected, onlookers will think I’m a loser.”

“What if she rejects me and my friends find out?”

“What if other people think I look like a creep?”

Here’s what others will think if you approach a woman and she rejects you:

A few people will judge, laugh at, or tease you (and not in a good natured way.) They’ll do this because they’re jealous you were willing to be vulnerable. Or because they’re genuinely unhappy people who take pleasure in the misery of others.

Some will look on with admiration, respecting your willingness to try.

Most people are so consumed with their own lives, they truly won't give a shit.

4. You believe the excuses you give yourself.

“I’m not going to be ready to date until I lose a few pounds.”

“I’m too focussed on my career to date.”

“None of the women here are my type.”

Now, sometimes these excuses are legitimate. But often, they’re defence mechanisms we use in favour of admitting we’re scared of rejection, nervous, or insecure.

The problem with defence mechanisms is that we spend so much time convincing others of their validity, we eventually start believing them ourselves.

5. You see rejection as failure.

Many men view the outcomes of their interactions with women in black and white.

If she agrees to a date, or gives me her number, I’ve succeeded. This is your logic speaking.

If she rejects me in any way, I’ve failed. This is your ego speaking.

Here’s something I recently told a client:

Stop seeing rejection as failure. To be rejected is proof you had the courage to try. Plus, the interaction taught you something. And though it doesn’t feel like it now, you’ve become a little more resilient. And finally, you’ve discovered that there’s certain phrases you should avoid in future approaches.

Don’t let your ego get in the way of the valuable lessons rejection has to share.