I've received hundreds of messages from women who commend me for encouraging men to be gentlemen "in a world where there aren't many left." While I appreciate the sentiment, I must respectfully disagree.

Over the past three years, through thousands of coaching, Q&A sessions, webinars, and informal catch-ups, I've encountered countless modern-day gentlemen. However, many, possessing the desire to embrace this role, hesitate, believing that modern society punishes such behaviour.

“I held the door open for her, and she said, ‘I'm not a child. I can handle doors myself.’”

“I showed her genuine respect, only to be friend-zoned. Meanwhile, another guy mistreats her, and she's with him now.”

“I offered to pick her up for our date, and she responded, ‘I don’t need a chauffeur.’”

"I offered to pay for her meal and she accused me of trying to control her with my money."

“I tried assisting her with a heavy bag, and she lectured me about how men unfairly label women as weak.”

If you're a gentleman contemplating a change because you believe courteous behaviour is unappealing to women, consider these four insights:

1. Only a small minority of women find gentlemanliness unattractive

“But if you look on social media, you’ll see endless women criticising gentlemen.”

That’s because this small subset make controversial comments that capture and retain attention. And retained attention prompts social media algorithms to promote the content.

As such, gentleman-haters are far less prevalent than social media makes them seem.

Also, the silent majority of women, who appreciate gentleman, usually don't feel the need to vocalise it online.

2. You might not be as gentlemanly as you think

Constantly checking in on her, asking where she’s been, and who she’s with isn’t ’a gentlemanly act of ensuring her safety’. It comes off more as insecure and untrusting.

Not sure if your behaviour is genuinely gentlemanly?

Click the link in my bio to complete my free quiz.

3. Don’t be a gentleman for the sake of attracting women

Women are intuitive. If you’re emulating gentlemanly behaviour strictly to attract them, they’re bound to notice.

Be a gentleman because:

• It makes you feel good
• It keeps your conscience clean
• It maintains your integrity
• It sets a good example for others
• The world needs more gentlemen

If you attach your gentlemanliness to a greater purpose, women are far more likely to see it as authentic, and therefore attractive.

4. Ditching your gentlemanliness defies logic

“Some women find gentlemanliness to be offensive, so just to be safe, I’m going to stop being a gentleman altogether.”

This is like a business owner saying, "I've gathered two sets of feedback. One is from my loyal customers and another is from those outside our key demographic, who’ll never buy our products. I’m going to throw out the feedback from my customers, and focus exclusively on implementing changes proposed by those who’ll never buy from us.”

If you believe it’s good to be a gentleman, why change that just to appease a group of women with whom you’re ultimately incompatible?