Why blaming others hinders personal growth. Learn how to break free from the cycle of blame and develop healthier relationships.

When we have a negative interaction with someone, it’s easy to blame them. In fact, it’s instinctive. When we experience pain, our brain goes into support mode and acts accordingly. When the pain is physical, like a punch in the face, our brain releases endorphins to relieve discomfort and relax us.

When we experience mental pain, like the aftermath of a negative interaction, again, our brain looks for ways to alleviate the discomfort, this time, caused by regret, guilt or shame. The quickest, easiest way is by protecting our ego and passing blame.

The problem with immediately blaming others for negative interactions is that it deprives us of the motivation to develop healthier, more sustainable solutions. And the more we do it, the harder it is to avoid. Untreated, we develop a victim mentality, believing the whole world is against us.

To create healthy relationships, we must fight the instinctive urge to blame others for negative interactions. We must choose instead to endure discomfort while we analyse the situation, realise our biases and gain a deeper understanding of others and their perspectives. In doing so, we replace self-righteousness with self-awareness; this opens us up to greater pain management tools, like empathy, understanding, sympathy, acceptance and compassion.