Before deciding you love someone, ask yourself these 5 questions.

1. “Is it love, or is it emotional uncertainty?”

We possess an evolutionary drive to procreate. When faced with romantic emotional uncertainty, our subconscious interprets this as jeopardising our opportunity to procreate.This results in feelings of desperation, infatuation, and panic, which we can easily mistake for love.

2. “Are any external events clouding my judgment?”

When we face a difficult situation – like a breakup, family troubles, or unemployment, we tend to seek extra validation and security elsewhere. Thus, if you start liking someone in the midst of a difficult situation, you might prematurely start believing you love them.

This isn’t to say it’s impossible to fall in love while facing a difficult situation. It’s just an important consideration to make before deciding it’s love.

3. “Do I know her well enough to love her?”

Many clients claim to love a colleague, classmate, or barista whom they’ve never seen outside of work, school, or the local coffee shop. 

But love requires knowledge of a person’s whole being. 

Until you know someone in multiple contexts, it’s too early to call it love.

4. “Do I love her? Or do I love the idea of her?”

Him: “I love her because a girl like this would’ve never talked to me in high school.”

Me: “Ok, so beyond her ability to make your younger self proud, why else do you love her?”

Him: “...It’s hard to say.”

5. “Can I name any of her flaws?”

Love isn’t about seeing some as perfect. It’s about loving them in spite of/because of their imperfections. If you genuinely believe they’re flawless, it’s not love. Either it’s infatuation, or you don’t know them well enough yet.