The mistakes men makes when competing over a girl (and how to do it right).

When I was 20 and working in retail, I went on a lunch date with a girl I liked who worked at a nearby store. During our date she mentioned she’d recently been on a couple of dates with another guy. However, given she was honest, that they weren’t exclusive, and that I was attracted to her, I still decided to pursue her.

Now this other guy was objectively more attractive than me, in better shape, and studying to be a doctor. However, after 5 weeks of casually seeing both he and I, she ultimately decided to be with me. And that’s because he made 5 classic mistakes men make when they’re competing over a girl, while I did the 5 things men SHOULD do.

Let’s start with his mistakes.

1. He talked a lot of shit about me to her. He likely thought by doing this he could make her find me less attractive. But if anything, when a girl likes a guy and you try to badmouth him, besides making you sound insecure, she often perceives it as an attack on her judgement. And not just that, it also makes her want to defend and protect him. And by putting her in this mind-frame, you’re only making her like him more.
2. If he knew her and I had hung out, he’d act moody and get upset with her.
3. When I met him at her Birthday party, he was a total asshole towards me. He kept interrupting me when I spoke, shouted ‘good one’ anytime I made a joke, and called me ‘mattyboy’ as a way to patronise me.
4. He tried to make her jealous by talking about all the girls who liked him and whom he’d previously hooked up with.
5. He constantly called and texted her. And if she didn’t respond, he’d contact her again. And again. And again. I suppose he figured the more they were communicating, the less she and I could form a bond. But if anything, it made her feel suffocated.

Alright, now here’s the 5 things I did right.

1. While I never denied I was seeing other girls, I also never tried to purposely make her jealous or showcase my ability to attract women. Instead, I let my actions do the talking by being confident and charming.
2. I was persistent in my pursuit, yet indifferent about the outcome. This is probably my favourite piece of advice to give clients when it comes to attracting women. Be persistent, but indifferent. This means: be unapologetically open about the fact you like her, ask her out and take her on dates. But at the same time, let it be known that if she doesn’t like you back, you’re going to be ok.
3. Not only did I never talk shit about him, I didn’t talk about him at all.
4. When I met him, I was genuinely polite and respectful.
5. I didn’t make myself perpetually available to her. Knowing I liked her and that she had another option, this girl felt that anytime she wanted to see me, I’d drop whatever I was doing to make it happen. Thus, if her requests to hang out were made on short notice, and I was already doing something – even if that something was watching Entourage DVDs in bed – I’d say no and reschedule for another night.