It's ok to ask others for favours; provided you do it in the right way.

One night, while I was sitting in my lounge room, watching TV, I received a message from an old friend. I’ll call him Dave. Dave: “Matt, how are you? it’s been too long!”

We hadn't spoken in over 2 years.

Seeing the message delighted me. I always liked Dave. After a few minutes of pleasant catch-up-small-talk, Dave wrote: “Hey. I know you’re probably super busy, but let me know when you’ve got some spare time to help my brother. He needs a recruiter to help fix his CV.” In case you hadn’t guessed, I worked as a recruiter at the time.

Shocked by the entitlement of Dave’s tone, I palmed him off with a vague excuse and cut our conversation short.

REQUESTING A FAVOUR THE RIGHT WAY

There are rules for respectfully requesting a favour. As you’re about to see, Dave broke almost every one.

1. Cut straight to the point

It doesn’t matter if it’s been five minutes or five years since you last connected with someone, if you need a favour, cut straight to the point. Introductory small talk sets a false precedent. Any appreciation it garners turns to bitter disappointment the moment your ulterior motive is revealed. It’s ok to make a warm introduction, provided it’s closely followed by the reason for your outreach. Save most of your small talk and general conversation for after you’ve made your request.

2. Don’t paint your favour in a negative light

Saying: “I know you’re probably busy, but” is more likely to remind a person of their business, rather than inspire them to free up some time for you. Replace the negative with a positive: “I know you’ve got a lot of experience helping people with their CVs, so I was wondering…”

3. Don’t make an offer you know they’ll refuse

Offering to pay for something when you know the other person is unlikely to charge you doesn’t make you generous or thoughtful, it makes you deceitful.

If there’s a cost incurred for the person doing the favour, be more assumptive - ask them what you owe them. And for small or inexpensive favours, once the favour is complete, reward them with something you know they won’t refuse, be it a thank-you note, a six-pack of beer or a favour in return.

4. Avoid entitlement

Regardless of the closeness of your relationship, you should never sound entitled in your approach. You’re requesting a favour, not a schedule of when they’re available to fulfil said favour.

5. Give them an out

Depending on the size of the favour and closeness of your relationship, sometimes it’s appropriate to give people an out: ‘Feel free to say no’ or ‘Don’t feel obligated to say yes.’

There’s nothing wrong with asking for a favour - even from someone you haven’t spoken to in a while - but if your request isn’t direct, respectable, fair and unexpectant, you’re unlikely to have it fulfilled.

6. Give and receive

Favours are a two-way street. If you have a habit of frequently asking for favours, it’s only fair that you get in the habit of frequently doing favours.