Advice

Making good men, great men.

Things you need to stop doing if you're overly-infatuated with her

Things you need to stop doing if you've become overly-infatuated with a woman you just started casually dating.

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When you meet someone special, it’s easy to let yourself become overly-infatuated.

The problem is, with over-infatuation comes the risk of self-sabotaging your relationship with her.

If you are at risk of over-infatuation, and you’re doing any of the following. You need to stop:

1. Believing she’s perfect

She’s not. 

When you’re initially attracted to a woman, your brain releases so much serotonin and dopamine into your body, that you can trick yourself into believing she is without fault. 

The more you fall into the trap of believing her to be perfect, the more infatuated you will become, and the more you will feel unworthy of reciprocation of that infatuation.

2. Trying to mould yourself into what you perceive as her ‘perfect man’

Her initial attraction to you is based on the man you already are.

Flaws and all. 

Sure, it’s important to self-improve, but the more you try to become ‘perfect’ for her, the further you’ll stray from what initially attracted her to you. 

3. Fantasising about your future life together

When you fantasise about your future life together with her, you put too much pressure on yourself internally to ‘make it work’ and can leave yourself devastated if it doesn’t.

4. Responding to every text she sends you with the immediacy and enthusiasm of a man who has nothing else going on in his life

Women love a man with independence and self-assuredness, not a man who is making it obvious that she occupies his every thought.

5. Ignoring family and friends because ‘no-one compares to her’

Besides the fact you’re alienating important people in your life, you’re also missing out on the opportunity to distract yourself from thoughts of her, with the company of others.

6. Using thinly veiled excuses to constantly text her

Every time you text her for no reason, you leave yourself vulnerable to second-guessing your decision to text her and feeling desperate and helpless as you stare at the read-receipt waiting for a response.

7. Believing that she’s the only reason you’re truly happy

It's not fair on her or you to believe that any happiness you feel is dependent on her attraction to you.

I know the sparks are flying and she makes you feel great, but don’t forget, you’ve experienced happiness long before she ever existed in your life. 

Just as you're capable of experiencing happiness again if she were to ever leave.
 

8. Talking about her to anyone who’ll listen

The more you talk about a woman you like, the more it reinforces your desire for her internally. You start to make yourself emotionally dependent on her. 

Plus, talking about the same woman over and over is a great way to annoy your family and friends.

9. Wondering ‘how did I possibly manage to attract this person?’ 

Questioning her attraction to you is unattractive in itself. 

You need to remember: you attracted her because you have qualities that she finds attractive. 

The more you question these qualities internally, the less they are apparent externally.

10. Over analysing every interaction you have with her

Women sometimes say and do things for no reason in particular. 

If you believe that every move she makes is a secret message that, once decoded, will reveal her true feelings for you, you’ll send yourself insane.

11. Having no next date in the calendar

If you have no firm plans to next see a woman you’re dating, you can start to feel helpless and insecure. 

Feelings of ‘will I ever see her again’ begin to occupy your consciousness. 

You can alleviate a lot of these feelings by locking in your next meet-up.

12. Feeling like you own her

Infatuation often leads to feelings of possessiveness. 

Possessiveness makes women uncomfortable and only pushes them further away.

13. Wanting to be her saviour

Just as it's easy to start fantasising about your future together, you can also start fantasising about being her white knight and saviour.

In putting these fantasies into action, you're likely coddling her, patronising her and overwhelming her.

14. Putting a pause on hobbies or career progression in favour of obsessing over her

Not only are you stagnating in terms of personal progression when you do this, you're also missing the opportunity to distract yourself from thoughts of her with other activities.

15. Constantly looking through all of her Facebook / Instagram photos

Besides continuing to build on your obsession with her, it also opens you up to feelings of jealousy over something stupid. Like when she flirtatiously responded to some handsome douche-bags comment on her photo from three years ago.