Advice

Making good men, great men.

Struggling with women? Beware of advice from a ladies man

Why ladies men aren't always the best people to ask for advice on women (if you are a man who struggles).

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Many men who struggle with women seek advice from really handsome, charismatic ladies men.
 
And who could blame them? It sounds like a logical approach.
 
Ladies men pick up more women than anybody we know, so surely they are the best people to ask for advice, right?
 

Here's the problem

Advice from ladies men is often generic, over-simplified and rarely effective when applied by a struggling man.
 
Stuff like: 'Bro, just walk right up to her, tell her you'd like to take her out, and ask for her number' or 'Here's what you do, you lock eyes with her at a bar, wait until she approaches you, and you start flirting with her. After a couple of hours and a couple of drinks, you'll be macking on with her for sure.'
 
While this advice may prove useful for particularly handsome, charismatic men, it does not apply seamlessly to men who struggle with women.
 
No matter how well-intended the advice may be, it can often create a horribly self-destructive snowball effect on struggling men.
 
Here's how this might play out:
 

The story of Sam and Luke

Sam is a man who struggles with women.
 
He makes many attempts to attract women, but none prove successful and always end in rejection.
 
Sam eventually concludes that he needs some external help.
 
After considering viable sources of information on the matter, he eventually decides: 'I know, I'll ask my friend Luke. He's the most popular with the ladies of any man I know. Who better to ask than the master?'
 
Sam offers to buy Luke a coffee in exchange for some valuable wisdom on women.
 
Luke gladly accepts.
 
Sam: Thanks for agreeing to help me with this man. So, tell me, what's the best way to pick up women on Tinder?
Luke: No troubles at all, man. Happy to help. With Tinder, it's actually pretty simple. Whenever I match with a chick, I send her this message: 'Hey, want to come over to my place for mind-blowing sex?'
Sam: And that works?
Luke: Not always, but if I send it a bunch of times over a night I eventually get a yes. And that's what really counts, you know?
Sam: I suppose that makes sense.
 
Though apprehensive, Sam takes Luke up on his advice and sends a variation of the message to two women on Tinder.
 
The first woman immediately blocks him, and the other one replies: 'Eww, no thanks.'
 
The reactions to his messages mortify Sam.
 
He swiftly deletes Tinder from his phone and slumps down in his chair.
 
Negative thoughts start to envelop him:
'I bet Luke's idea would've worked if I were more handsome.'
'Luke has women falling at his feet; therefore, he is the authority on women. If his advice doesn't work, I guess I'm just doomed to walk the earth alone.'
 
Instead of realising that Luke's advice is only suitable for Luke, Sam becomes bitter and blames women.
He tells himself: 'If this is the sort of thing women respond to, then they're all just a bunch of sluts.'
 

So what are the takeaways here?

  • Taking dating advice from a man who has women falling at his feet, can be like asking someone who won the lottery how to get rich. Just because they have the money, doesn't mean they have an easily repeatable financial strategy.
  • Being incredibly direct with women is ill-advised, when you don't have the ability  to shake off a few inevitable negative responses with ease.
  • Anecdotal evidence of a few women reacting positively to your handsome friend's cheesy, crass pick-up lines is a ridiculous reason to concede that all women are vanity-stricken sluts.
  • Just because a guy you know is popular with women, doesn't mean you should take his advice on women as gospel. He's telling you his truth, not the truth.

Final thoughts

This article is not to say 'no ladies man can offer valuable advice on women.' It's about understanding that all men are different.

Just because a guy does well with the ladies, doesn't mean his advice is useful for you, nor does it mean you should accept it as the only workable solution for seducing women.

When a ladies man offers dating advice, it is often advice that will only work if executed with a high level of self-assuredness (because that's what ladies men possess). You need to learn to crawl before you can walk, let alone run alongside a seasoned ladies man.

Take the advice of a ladies man on board, consider any useful takeaways from it, and adapt it into a way of approaching women that works for you.