Advice

Making good men, great men.

If women like good men, why do they date bad boys?

Breaking down the key traits women find attractive in bad boys, then comparing these traits with those of good men and Nice Guys.

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Women like bad boys.

Now, this may seem contradictory to my previous post:

Women don't like Nice Guys. Women like good men.

But hear me out.

Firstly, Just because women like good men, doesn't mean they have to dislike bad boys.

Secondly, not all bad boys are assholes.

Thirdly, the attraction a woman has to bad boys or good men is dependant on her romantic intent.

Generally, women like bad boys for short-term relationships and good men for long-term relationships.

But I know plenty of women in long-term relationships with bad boys

There is no denying that many women develop feelings for and engage in long-term relationships with bad boys, but we need to consider some factors:

Some bad boys aren't as bad as you think you are

Some men give off a bad boy vibe on the surface but are sensitive and sincere when in the private company of a woman.

A man with tattoos and a devil-may-care attitude who is popular with the ladies doesn't immediately qualify as a bad person, or even a bad boy, for that matter.

Many misunderstood bad boys are fundamentally good men.

You can't always judge a book by its cover.

Some bad boys mature into good men.

Some bad boys become good men with the love of a good woman.

Disclaimer: While this is a wonderful sentiment, and one that has proven to be true many times before, it can just as easily go the other way.

Many bad boys show signs they could evolve into good men. As a result, women can waste years waiting for him to change, yet never watch him make any real progress.

Buyer beware.

Some women mistake drama for passion.

Many relationships between women and bad boys develop into 'long-term' because neither party understands the difference between drama and passion.

There are many relationships between bad boys and women that are just plain toxic. 

I'm talking screaming matches, emotional manipulation and constant petty attempts at inspiring jealousy in one another, followed inevitably by intense make-up sex.

Anyone on the outside would call this a highly dysfunctional relationship.

She, being on the inside, justifies it by saying 'we're just passionate.'

Some women are bad girls.

Some women are bad girls. As such, they specifically have a preference for bad boys.

Disclaimer: If you aren't a bad boy and you're trying to pursue a bad girl who only likes bad boys, it's likely time to cut ties. The emotional mind games will exhaust you and send you crazy.

So why do women like bad boys?

What is it about a bad boy that attracts a woman?

Here are the top eight reasons:

1. Bad boys are cocky

Bad boys are naturally cocky, arrogant individuals.

They ooze self-belief to such a point, it often borders on self-delusion.

Women find this attractive because...

Women like a man who is sure of himself. The narcissistic levels of a bad boy's self-belief are often enough to make a woman believe in him as well.

2. Bad boys offer her the thrill of the chase

Bad boys are usually indifferent and emotionally detached when it comes to women.

This leads a woman to feel like she can never quite tie him down, but rather, she is in constant pursuit of his affection.

Women find this attractive because...

It's a natural human emotion to want what you can't have.

3. Bad boys intimidate others

Bad boys are notorious for being people that other people don't fuck with.

They strike fear in their fellow man based on their unpredictability and their 'I've got nothing to lose' attitude.

Women find this attractive because...

Funnily enough, because it ultimately makes them feel safe.

With an intimidating bad boy on her arm, a woman feels protected and looked after.

4. Bad boys are projects that women want to fix

Bad boys are often seen as damaged goods.

They're cold-hearted, they've given up on life, and they're seemingly incapable of love.

Women find this attractive because...

Of their maternal nature, combined with a strong desire for the sense of accomplishment that follows on from fixing him.

Many women view the arduous task of fixing a bad boy as an exciting and rewarding mission.

5. Bad boys won't pretend to be friends

Bad boys have no issue making their initial intentions with a woman obvious.

They clarify these intentions with natural charm and effortless flirtation.

Though this may seem shallow, there's a nobility in their honesty.

Women find this attractive because...

Women aren't always looking to become the best friend of a man they bed. Sometimes they only want emotion-free, no-string-attached sex with a man they'd sooner sneak out in the middle of the night on, rather than have breakfast with.

That's right gents; sometimes women enjoy effort-free sex also.

Another reason women find this attractive is that they appreciate a bad boy's sincerity, no matter how one-track-minded.

6. Bad boys are exciting

Bad boys excite women. Between their nonchalance, their 'fuck the world' attitude and their natural ability to push the boundaries and risk offending, bad boys are exciting.

Women find this attractive because...

Women enjoy the feeling of excitement. This is pretty straight forward.

7. Bad boys allow good girls to be bad girls

Bad boys encourage women to release their inner bad girl.

Inner bad girls sit dormant in a lot of women.

The reason bad boys have a reputation for surfacing a woman's inner bad girl is that women feel they can reveal her without judgement.

Women find this attractive because...

It allows them to be uninhibited and free. When a woman releases her inner bad girl, she has the opportunity to push boundaries and explore a side of herself that had previously, only existed in fantasy.

8. Bad boys say 'Fuck the system!'

Bad boys are notorious rule-breakers who reject the premise of 'the system', uninhibited by the opinions of others.

Women like this because...

A bad boy is his own man. Instead of letting the world bring him down, he flips the script and plays by his own rules.

How do these traits compare with those of a good man or a Nice Guy?

Now we've considered the traits women find attractive in a bad boy, let's compare them with the equivalent traits of a good man and a Nice Guy.

1. While bad boys are cocky...

...Good men are quietly confident.

Bad boys are loud and proud. Good men are quiet, but still proud.

Good men don't rely on aggressive proclamations of their self-obsession, but rather, they believe that actions speak louder than words.

A good man's easy-going, effortless approach when engaging with a woman tells her more about his confidence than words ever could.

...Nice Guys are unsure of themselves

This is obvious when you consider:

- Nice Guys are people-pleasers, afraid to stand their ground

- Nice Guys are constantly apologising to a woman

- Nice Guys are nervous and unnatural when speaking with a woman

- Nice Guys have a fake superiority complex and constantly criticise others (women read straight through this, and know his criticisms are compensations for his own insecurities).

What does it all mean?

Whether a man possesses confidence, or he possesses confidence's immature younger sibling: cockiness, both represent self-assuredness. Women like self-assuredness.

What women don't like are passive, bitter yes-men in the form of Nice Guys.

2. While bad boys offer the thrill of the chase...

...Good men offer the thrill of the keep

A good man makes a woman feel thrilled to know she's 'kept' him.

He does this by making it known to a woman that he isn't with her because he needs her, but rather because he wants to be with her.

When a woman has a good man, she's got something better than an unending chase; she's got a great keep.

...Nice Guys don't offer much of a thrill at all

Nice Guys are predictable and overly dependable.

As a result, no woman being pursued by a Nice Guy ever experiences that fear that she could lose him, nor does she feel any thrill or satisfaction at the notion of being able to lock him down.

What does it all mean?

Bad boys make women chase them, good men make women want to keep them, Nice Guys provide a safe, boring back-up option.

3. While bad boys intimidate others...

Good men command respect from others

A good man relies on his sincere charm, calming presence, respectable demeanour and general self-assuredness to bring other people on-side.

Good men don't need to strike fear in others, because other people like good men and as such, wish to cause him no harm.

Nice Guys are considered annoying, but harmless.

Nobody is intimidated by a Nice Guy.

Some men view Nice Guy's as push-overs.

Others view them as creepy and overbearing towards women.

Some consider them to be whiny, annoying losers.

But do any of them fear or respect Nice Guy's?

No.

What does it all mean?

Whether other people view a man as intimidating or respectable, both serve the same purpose in the eye of a woman: they make her feel safe and protected.

Nice Guys have a tendency to be viewed by society as whiny push-overs, which, of course, is the opposite of being viewed as fearless protectors.

4. While bad boys are projects for women to fix...

...Good men are projects that women want to be involved in

Good men attract women for both the man they are and the man they're on course to become.

Good men strive for self-improvement, no matter how good they are already.

A woman finds this attractive as she wants to be a part of the journey that makes a good man, great.

Where bad boys give women a sense of accomplishment by fixing him, good men give women a sense of accomplishment by joining him.

...Nice Guys are projects that don't give her anything

Women have no desire to fix a Nice Guy as he's already obsessed with her.

She also doesn't want to take part in his journey with him, as his cynicism and bitterness suggest he lacks the drive and self-belief to make himself better.

What does it all mean?

Though good men and bad boys may differ greatly here, the outcome for a woman is the same.

They assure a woman that by being with him, she'll be taking part in something that will generate positive results and offer her a sense of accomplishment.

Whereas with Nice Guys, they offer no such potential.

5. While bad boys don't pretend to be their friend...

...Good men often initiate with friendship

Good men often have a far more subtle and measured approach to women.

But not on purpose.

When good men begin their relationship with a woman, they do so under sincere pretences.

Sure, he may find that as his relationship with her develops, so too do romantic feelings. But this doesn't stop him from getting to know her in a sincere and engaging manner, nor does it make him start acting like a nervous schoolboy in fear of her.

Once he has established his attraction beyond friendship, he will make it known to her in a direct, yet respectful way.

...Nice Guys end up in the friend-zone

Oh, the dreaded friend-zone.

A Nice Guy's limbo.

What Nice Guys often don't realise is that they end up in this limbo of their own doing.

They like a girl, they act intensely overwhelming towards her, but they never make their intentions known (after all, she could say no and he'd be crushed).

This makes a woman feel uncomfortable, as it's bleedingly obvious he likes her, but his lack of ability to do something about it turns her off and naturally condemns him to the friend-zone.

What does it all mean?

Although bad boys and good men appear to act in the opposite way when it comes to befriending women, their approaches produce the same result. They show themselves to be sincere in their intentions.

Nice Guys, who show all the signs of interest towards a girl, without ever making a definitive move, will only ever come across as insincere, lacking confidence and unattractive.

6. While bad boys are exciting...

...Good men are interesting

Good men don't rely on emotional manipulation to keep a woman interested, because they're interesting men in general.

A good man's ability to interest a woman comes down to the fact:

- He actively listens to her

- He keeps conversations flowing with confidence and ease

- He knows how to flirt in a fun and playful way

- He gauges her reactions before he reveals any semblance of affection towards her

...Nice Guys are boring

Nice Guys give a woman nothing to be excited about, as they're too predictable.

They respond to her text messages immediately and constantly dote over her.

Nice Guys let their whole lives revolve around the women they're interested in.

As a result, they have nothing else going on in their life to make a woman find them interesting.

What does it all mean?

Excitement and interest evoke similar emotions within a woman; thus, she finds both qualities of a man to be attractive.

While bad boys often use mind games to keep a woman interested, good men offer a more sustainable approach through their substance, engaging conversational skills and by showing their affection towards her at just the right time.

Nice Guys, being predictable and overbearing are boring to a woman.

7. While bad boys allow a good girl to be a bad girl...

...Good men allow a good girl to be a bad girl

Good men can also inspire women to be bad girls. They do this by:

- Not being afraid to ask her what she likes.

Good men aren't awkward when it comes to sex. They can have a mature conversation with a woman about sex without getting weird and coming off as inexperienced and unsure of themselves.

- Passing no judgement on a woman.

Good men don't judge a woman on her more taboo interests when it comes to sex.

By not passing judgement, a woman will lower her defences and gradually open up to him sexually, exposing the bad girl that lies within.

...Nice Guys idealise women as innocent and subservient

Nice Guys have a habit of treating a woman they're interested in as an innocent, lost, damsels in distress.

They treat women as if all women are good girls, only looking for good guys to have good, vanilla sex with.

What does it all mean?

Women's attraction to bad boys and good men when it comes to their desire to release their inner bad girl comes down to one thing: Their fear of judgement.

Nice Guys idealise women as innocent princesses, and women interpret these views as prone to severe judgement if they reveal their true selves.

8. While bad boys say 'Fuck the system!'...

...Good men know how to work the system

Good men don't feel the need to rebel against the system, because good men know how to make the system work for them.

A good man is under no illusions that the world is imperfect.

Still, he faces life's challenges with humour and optimism.

This tells women that he's in control and he knows how to make the system work for him.

...Nice Guys are a victim of the system.

While bad boys are against the system and good men accept the system, Nice Guys are victims to the system.

Nice Guy's approach life with cynicism and negativity.

They are highly critical of others. Sadly, Nice Guys believe that by being highly critical of others, they'll appear superior.

Quite the opposite.

When a Nice Guys continuously criticises everyone and everything, all he's telling a woman is: 'I am a victim of the system.'

What does it all mean?

Whether a man denies the framework in which society exists, or he's figured out a way to make it work for him - both traits tell a woman the same thing: He is his own man, and he's found a way of living that works for him.

Nice Guys act bitter and beaten down. This tells a woman he is a victim and a loser.

Final thoughts

Though their approaches differ, good men and bad boys attract women for a lot of the same fundamental reasons.

Both bad boys and good men are self-assured, fun, non-judgemental and natural communicators when it comes to women.

A Woman may periodically favour one over the other, based on her age, the company she keeps, her upbringing or her recent experiences with other men.

Though bad boys may fair better at pursuing one-night stands, just as good men fair better at attracting women for long-term relationships, women are attracted to both of them.

Regardless of what you're looking for from a woman, one thing for sure is clear:

You've got a hell of a lot more chance as either a bad boy or a good man than you do as a Nice Guy.

Good men, keep up the good work.

Bad boys, keep up some of the good work.

Nice Guys, start working on yourselves.