Advice

Making good men, great men.

Stop comparing yourself to her ex

If you keep convincing yourself that you’re inferior to her ex-boyfriend, you may eventually convince her of it as well.

Template for Blog Pictures (15)

 If you fear you're on track to do this, keep this in mind:
 
Your girlfriend hasn’t downgraded from her ex-boyfriend to you; her selection criteria has evolved.

As humans, the criteria we use to select a romantic partner evolves with time.

This evolution takes shape based on the sum of our past romantic relationships, coupled with our general maturation as adults.

With this in mind, any inferiority you feel towards her ex-boyfriend based on the shallow traits you’re using for comparison, are almost undoubtedly redundant.

Sure, he’s what she wanted once, but you’re what she’s evolved into wanting now.

She chose you because you’re the one with whom she foresees a happy, fulfilling future.

Don’t let her down by obsessing over somebody that’s better left in the past.

Don't talk badly about the guy. Don't let him occupy your thoughts.

It's time to focus on you and her.

It's natural for you to want to compare yourself with him

Comparing yourself with her ex-boyfriend is totally normal, some say it's even healthy.

Obsessing over him and allowing yourself to become insecure based on your perception of his superiority to you, is not so healthy. The problem with comparisons that lead to insecurity is that the insecurity can play tricks on your brain. 

Some of the ways in which you find him to be superior, are probably not even objectively true. You're allowing your insecurity to dictate the value you see in yourself.

'But I'm genuinely concerned she's not over him'

The hard fact of the matter is, she may not be.

She may still be harbouring some resentment towards him, or perhaps she never fully got closure.

Instead of letting this bring you down, accept it as part of life and understand that she needs time to properly heel and move up and move on with you.

Letting thoughts of him envelop you, to the point where you start to treat her badly, act immaturely and give her the silent treatment only delay the strengthening of your bond with her.

New call-to-action